Drawn Out
by Measured
Summary: Omi had run into some disturbing things in his line of work. This however, did in no way prepare him for the horrors of the internet. Crackfic, unknowing!online!Nagi/Omi with a healthy dose of fourth wall breaking.


Title: Drawn Out  
Series: Weiss Kreuz  
Character/Pairing: background (unknowing XD) Nagi/Omi, ensemble.  
Rating: PG-13 for implications.  
Summary: Omi had run into some disturbing things in his line of work. This however, did in no way prepare him for the horrors of the internet.  
Author's note: comment_fic: Weiss Kreuz, Omi, finding disturbing fanart. Viva la Die Fourth Wall, theme. Notes at the end. The title is a horrible pun, as per usual.

**.**

Omi was the one on the team who was best at hacking, and considering that the majority of the team were all much, much older, Omi spent a lot of his time on the net looking for someone his own age to talk it. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy his non-slaughtering time with the rest of the team, it was just that sometimes he liked not spending a half hour trying to explain who Morning Musume was. (Had Yohji been there, it only would've taken a minute or so, given that most any band with that much female flesh would have certainly gained his attention..for reasons other than music.)

Lately, Omi had gotten close to a boy called **TelekenticProdigy.** He was perpetually bored, snarky and probably goth. Omi didn't share or ask for pictures. Especially since Yohji got the brilliant idea to catch pedophiles by making Omi dress like a rent boy and photograph him, and then talk to the predators as Omi.

It was hard to find teenagers who could understand his complaints. Most of them were chatting away about the latest idol while he wanted to rant about getting bloodstains out. And the best ways to kill a man using a stapler, a plastic potted plant and rubber bands.

TelekeneticProdigy knew exactly what he was talking about. Bloodstains were a pain, especially on white uniforms.

Especially with his crazy roommate who was prone to ruining rugs and putting himself in all sorts of weird tied up positions. Also, knives. Lots and lots of knives.

Omi did keep the 'no meeting people online unless we're contracted to kill them, then put on the rent boy outfit' rule. Really. But he really liked this person. He'd never really found anyone he could talk about being a teen _and_ an assassin with.

Unfortunately, both times he'd tried to meet him, he'd run into members of Schwartz and had to make excuses. But that was ok, because he never suggested that he was lying or was secretly-a-pedophile. There even existed a sort-of trust between them. Not so much that he would reveal more than a bit of his life, but enough that if he wasn't there at the end of the night, Omi worried. It seemed his lot in life to be the worrier, right up there with Ken.

They'd never exchanged names, though there was a reason for that. As fellow Teen assassins, it was very possible they might end up on each other's lists, which was another growing worry in his mind.

**.  
**  
Omi had run into some disturbing things in his line of work. He routinely broke drug rings, saw horrible deaths and saw all forms of depravity that humanity was capable of. This however, did in no way prepare him for the horrors of the internet.

He had been innocently searching along on a case of a group of evil hackers when he came upon a site called 4chan. It seemed to be an image board of sorts. The first one he tried was called /b/. If there was a way of looking into the mouth of hell, this was it. There were pictures of dismemberment, and vore. There were horrible, unspeakable things. Also, on occasion, some of the threads were funny. Really funny. In a mindless way. In a way that he wanted to laugh with Yohji over. Except that he was still too scarred by the videos he'd clicked. Especially the horrors of 2 girls 1 cup.

Except, that wasn't all. Among it all, was a picture of himself in rent boy attire. Except this was drawn, and part of a set.

Omi dashed out. Ken and Aya were out, either on a mission or another beer run. Yohji was in a chair, reading a magazine. When he saw Omi coming, he closed it and put it out of sight.

"Yohji! I think I found a break in the case!"

"Oh?"

"It's called....4chan. I was on the case of a pedophile you asked me to look for and I accidentally came upon it. So I clicked on one of the boards called /b/...and it was horrible!"

"Good old /b/," Yohji said.

"You're a /b/tard?" Omi said in shock.

"You're surprised?" Yohji said.

"....I should be less than I am," Omi admitted.

"But other than the horrors of the internet there's a problem – I found pictures of myself on there."

Yohji leaned up. "More on the pedophile case? Is someone stalking you?"

"No, they seemed drawn...the watermark said...'kawaiinekochan44'"

"Ah. That's no pedophile. You've got an admire~er, little Omi," Yohji said playfully. "A girl who wants to dress you up and call you her own."

He meowed and clawed the air in a way that was apparently supposed to provocative.

"...I'll ask Ken for advice when he gets back."

**.  
**  
However, when Ken didn't get back, Omi signed back online. TelekeneticProdigy was there waiting. He sent him a message and poured out his sorrows of finding himself online. He knew that TelekeneticProdigy wouldn't be like talking with Ken. He wasn't kind or comforting, but his snark often left him laughing away the pain.

d_id you search for more?_ he said.

The thought hadn't even occurred to him in the shock. He searched his name and came upon _galleries and galleries _ of him with his teammates – or with memebers of Schwartz, or on occasion, overly friendly tentacle monsters. Omi reeled in horror at finding so much porn of himself. Of course, there were also explicit art of other members. Yohji was a given. He'd probably laugh it off and be flattered. Aya and Ken, well, they were very popular at the shop – but he'd never even thought he'd see himself in such provocative positions with his teammates, enemies or overly friendly tentacle monsters for that matter.

_ You found pictures, I take it?._

_they're really embarrassing_ he typed back.

_I even found one of me and my enemy on a bed holding hands. We're enemies! We can't sleep with each other...unless it was like...a plot to kill one another_.

_That's not fanart. It's from the official art book._ he replied.

_Wait, official art book? Does that man we're_ _**canon?**_

_I guess so_ he typed back.

Omi had to reel back at that one. He'd never really thought of his enemy like that. They were always trying to kill each other. But he did had to admit his enemy was kind of cute. And not just in comparison to Farfarello.

_Let's meet,_ he said. i_This time I won't even let Schwartz get in the way._

**.**

Shuldig had known about the online affair for some time. When confronted, Nagi swore it was merely to get information, but that didn't explain that folder of the kid dressed like a rent boy, or of him and the boy drawn in various anatomically impossible sexual positions. Or the fanfiction he'd started writing either.

Besides, Shuldig had tapped into his wet dreams a few times. Lately they'd featured the kid in a variety of ever kinkier outfits – when he was wearing clothes at all. Unlike the kid, whose innocence lay somewhere between amusing and annoying, Nagi knew what he was doing.

He _could_ take it to Crawford, but if Crawford was so big and powerful with his psychic powers, then why didn't he foretell that Nagi would become the kid's online boyfriend-slash-fangirl? Besides, mocking and threatening Nagi about it was far too amusing to give up just now.

**.**

As a caveat: I'm not trying to say that EVERYONE WHO GOES TO CHAN SITES = EVIL. I've been there, as have many of my friends quite regularly. But really, some of the boards can be scarring at times. It's one of the times when I've been thankful for slow internet as it means I've personally avoided seeing 2 girls 1 cup.


End file.
